Welcome to LifeBangkok’s Most Popular “Top Ten List of Things to Do Before A Major… blah, blah, …”, we know, you read it already,….

Top 10 list To Do before ....

Before you go any further we’re just reminded that if you’re reading this now, it’s probably due to the fact that you’ve either read something here before, (and amazingly, somehow came back… “Toto, you’re back, you came back!!”), or are having your computer controlled externally by our heinously effective search engine control mechanisms (more likely), or you are spamming us (most likely)… No, but thanks, we’ve got all the Oxycontin we need, appreciate it… Or, hmm… maybe, no, –Oh, I was just listening to ‘Ricky Don’t Lose That Number…’.

But seriously, those of you who do follow the news around Thailand at LifeBangkok.com should know there’s only a few more hours until something big, bad and ugly really does occur. The usual somewhat ‘asleep at the wheel’ international news organs are all busily looking at the Middle East, Joe Biden’s big mouth, (Hillary to Obama: “OMG, what will he say next…? Give him the hook, … exit stage, … Left!) the Pope’s brother’s sex scandal revelations, or having just finished inundating us all with the Oscars’ excessive coverage… (Okay, it’s cool, for a couple of hours/days, but a week? The lead– up press, predictions, hype, photos, buzz, fashion pictures, trailers, … the afterglow, parties, etc., … %#@*!% …OK, we get it!)

Ahem, I’m fine, another Oxycontin, please…

In our previous articles, we’ve tried to insightfully show how all of the potential for mayhem amid the future prospects for civilian uprisings fueled by class conflict, domestic political struggles, domestic terrorism and the very real possibility of a regional Thai civil war was coming to a head.

Tick Tock Tick Tock...

In “Toxic Environment This Month …?”, “The Big Event … (The Tango For The Big Mango)”, and our three part series “Future Ruling Provides Plenty of Public Uncertainty/The Day After Tomorrow, The Calm Before The Storm/As The Plot Thickens”, etc., we correctly assayed coming to this very point in time. If you’re still a little unfamiliar with all the Thai Turmoil/Ticking Thai Time Bomb, take a minute and look at a few of those, because the very next few days are going to see a rapid acceleration in the veracity of volatile and violent events.

We hope you’ve gotten the idea how really serious this is now, and many of you have thanked us with your kind comments … (Okay, so far only a couple of you, but intuitively we sense they’re representative of more than a few of you good hearted LifeBangkok readers and spammers out there, … or so we hope, at least.)

Back to business…..

Number 10 on our Top Ten List of …. (Did you forget already, I have to tell you again..? Too many Oxycontins, no doubt…) Things to Do Before a Major Uprising, Coup, or Political Protests Involving a Million Really Upset People, otherwise known from here on as our Top 10 List of TTDBAMU,C, or PPIAMRUP…

Nr.10: Buy Rice

Number 10 is….. RICE, ….

 We mean BUY rice, hello, …? Like you don’t want to be hungry and have to go without it for another 3 days, or get beat up in the middle of a huge factional protest with bullets flying in the middle of the night or day because you need to go out and buy something so basic, do you? So, you wouldn’t want to be without a fresh, hot bowl of nourishing rice while people all around you are being tear gassed or are busy fighting riot police and soldiers for control of the streets, now would you… ?? Of course not… It’s the most basic right of all those living in Asia, nay, it’s a mandatory requirement, I say! Mice like Rice!  Mice like Rice!…. If Bangkok had to go on a hunger strike, then there would be a serious backlash to the Red Shirts’ uprising~! As it stands now, the best some group of Bangkokians could think of was to blare their horns for a solid minute at 6 p.m. every evening while driving, as if the noise would scare the Red Shirts protesters …, Uh, they’ll be blaring their own protest songs so loud while shouting through megaphones and speakers it wouldn’t even for a minute dent their hearing ….

And hopefully not all the maxed out ones, (like ours ….)

You never know when you might need to book a last minute late night charter ‘tour’ out somewhere south of the border, buy a new passport somewhere, or ‘arrange’ bail … We prefer American Express for obvious reasons… (Like they really care when you’re caught in a cross fire during a riot, right..?) “Mr Siam Man, sorry, we can’t process this purchase for an oxygen- reverse filter gas mask, paint ball guns with a thousand yellow paint balls and body length Kevlar suit because your previous check bounced from seven years ago and we still haven’t given you more than enough credit to buy a bag of M & M’s…, but remember, ‘Don’t leave home without us’…,”.  “ Oh, and is there anything else we can do for you, …?”

….– We Interrupt this Top Ten List for a Very Important Announcement … !

Prime Minister Abhisit has announced…

”I am not attempting to cling on to power as I am willing to resign or dissolve the House if this would be a solution. I simply will not allow a coup to happen,” he said…(Usually, this means yes, the politician would;… remember No means YES and YES means No…) Like we’d really ever know the difference, right…?

Earlier in the day it was reported that the Thaksin Shinawatra family clan of the infamously rich former wife Pojamarn Na something or other, and their 3 adult children, also known as the ‘Fab 4’ have flown out of the country for fears of being ‘kidnapped’. Yes, by their own Red Shirts, and/or hanged, probably if their brilliant masterminded plan doesn’t pan out the way they all expect with the toppling of their own government, whom by the way, will appear very civil and kind hearted indeed if these over-promised, occasionally armed and dangerous, mostly provincial and rural supporters up-country don’t meet with success and instead go home empty handed or to jail for incinting unrest– tattered, torn and without the success Thaksin and the UDD leaders have ‘guaranteed’ them…. Guess who will be their scapegoats then, …? (It reminds of Alice In Wonderland’s Red Queen and her insurrectors who finally turned against her and she ended up in exile, … chained to her henchman. Hmmm, …. how apropos.)

In Further News of the Day…

Prime Minister Abhisit spoke today at the House of Parliament session to reply to an urgent motion on how to handle Very Volatile Political Crises.(V.V.P.C.’s)

The government is promising to uphold the people’s constitutional right to  ‘peaceful and unarmed’ assembly. Um, …. so how long do you think that will last …? If I was you, I wouldn’t wait to go out to pee and get popcorn…, because that will only likely take, hmm …, maybe a few dozen or so hours, at the outside.

The prime minister, explaining security measures have been put in place to keep peace and deter protesters from crossing the legal limits, remarked, “Look folks, this is Bangkok, where traffic is practically uncontrollable, motorcycles routinely drive on sidewalks and Cro Magnon– era buses are public enemy number one, not only for their colossal diesel exhaust fumes/carbon emissions footprints, but their maniacal weaving in and out of traffic at every imaginable angle and stopping every way possible to cause the maximum amount of mayhem in order to confuse the hell out of all the other motorists: …. Left turn signal, means going right ! Right turn signal means going left, no turn signal means going way too fast ! So, how about a Million Really Very Upset and Marginalized People (A.M.R.V.U.A.M.P.) bent on bringing down the government or their own downfalls, which ever comes first….?”, he was reported to have stated.

 Number 8 on our Top Ten List of …. (Did you forget already, I have to tell you again..? Too many diesel fumes, no doubt…)… Things to Do Before a Major Uprising, Coup, or  Political Protests Involving a Million Really Upset People, otherwise known from here on as our Top 10 List of TTDBAMU,C, or PPIAMRUP…

Nr. 8: Mama Noodles

Number 8 is, …. MAMA

…. No, not your Momma, you simp, I mean Mama soup, the second inalienable right of anyone living in Asia is a cheap and abundant food source the early scavenger/ hunter/gatherers here knew all too well!

Which presupposes a couple of prerequisite things and leads us to the next two on our Top 10 List … water, (Number 7)  … and back– up electricity, (Number 6). Car batteries are excellent for riding out severe storms and temporary power outages.

You’ll also need a device of some sort to heat the water. So, we recommend the hot water pot-squirter-out thing-a ma-jigs,…(Number 5 ). Because just getting an electrical current to the water directly is really, umm, …, just not a good way, ok? (Ok, you could microwave hot water too, true, true, … but then you’d need a microwave and it didn’t make our Top 10 List of TTDBAMU,C, or PPIAMRUP…, Sorry!)

It’s just another inalienable right of all Asian visitors, tourists and residents that you have one of these hot water pot deals … (perhaps we’ll send you a picture, so you get the idea …, trust us.)

Oh, by the way, now the government announces that they have already deployed over 50,000 security personnel made up of 30,000 soldiers, 10,000 police, and 10,000 civilian volunteers to the streets of Bangkok and outlying entry points to the city where the protesters are likely to make ‘landfall’. Scores of checkpoints have been set up around the city and government authorities have the right under the ISA, (the Internal Security Act), also known here at LifeBangkok as’I Stay Away’, to search protesters for weapons. Another key point to the governments’ readiness plans are to respond with immediate crackdowns in the event protesters block, barricade or invade army bases or vital infrastructure facilities such as airports… Invariably, the Red Shirts will claim hypocrisy on the part of the authorities, who have not punished the PAD/Yellow Shirts for similar violations, several years ago (but, which was a different government back then, too), but it remains a key arguing point to securing true reconciliation, as double standards are failing to permit full faith and trust in what the government says and its handling of UDD grievances. Thaksin was no great sympathizer with those he loathed or discounted either, so there’s plenty of room for criticism… The Red Shirts/UDD members have held a a steady stream of protests since a former court decision removed Thaksin’s political allies from power and brought Prime Minister Abhisit to power in December 2008, after being appointed following interim governmental debates.

Nr. 4: Gas! And lots of it....

Number 4 on the LifeBangkok Top 10 list of TTDBAMU,C, or PPIAMRUP… (I’m not breaking it down for you this time, you’re on your own, pal…)

… is get GAS…, not really due to the protests, but because the local PTT gas giant/energy conglomerate is raising prices on the back of rising global oil prices, so better stock up now and save a few baht. Hey, we’re not stupid!

News of the upcoming confrontations between protesters and the government will undoubtedly begin to hit the radars of the international news organs like FOX, Yahoo!, CNN, the BBC, etc… Generally, ABC the Australian news equivalent to the BBC, is the first with reliable reports out of Thailand when communication goes awry or censorship is rife, as well as Singaporean news outlets. As we speak, throngs of hung over journalists from  Oscar night are making their way over from L. A. on Bangkok bound flights to cover the conundrum, so they can be ‘first’ on the scene… It’s predicted, (by me…) to quote at least one news source, that mass arrests in the hundreds are easily forseeable within the next 36 to 48 hours.

In Bangkok, most schools and businesses and non-essential operations are already closed for the weekend or will be before the afternoon ‘crush’ begins. International schools have been warned and advised closed, foreign diplomatic missions are adding additional security or closing consular services ahead of normal closing times and Thai schools in affected areas are closed earlier than scheduled… (and anyone near the predictable protest areas is well, not smart, let’s say. I’m PRESS, only PRESS, …)

Reds by Sea…

Red shirts on their way to Bangkok....

The Red Shirts/UDD protesters coming  from Ayutthaya, Nonthaburi and outlying provinces bordering Bangkok will infiltrate the capital on more than 100 boats along the Chao Phraya River, in an unusual tactic to avoid detection….  No one will ever guess that all those red-shirted people in boat after boat of people are really going to participate in the anti-government rallies and join in the massive protest marches, which could number in the hundreds of thousands, or eventually up to a million by Sunday, as the UDD leaders have claimed.

Parliament Member Surachet Chaikosol of Pheu Thai Pandin (yet another affiliate Thaksin- controlled political party), reportedly predicted that an advance array will start arriving in Bangkok on Saturday but the main convoy of long tail boats, barges and various flotillas will begin the following day, he said.

“The Red Shirts plan to make their landing at Ta Phra Chan pier,” he said, which is also ‘coincidentally’ located next to Siriraj Hospital. His Majesty the King is often seen at the hospital receiving treatment for various minor ailments and has been staying there for some time over the last few months. Another critical checkpoint is at Pratunam Phra in Ayutthaya where four battalions of government security personnel have been stationed to block the Red Shirts’ protesters…

The Red Shirts plan to force their way through if the security forces attempt to stop them, as it will be unconstitutional to block them simply for their political desire to rally in Bangkok.

Hey,… what about the Final Top 3 of the Top Ten List of things to Do Before a Major Uprising, Coup or A Political Protests Involving a Million Upset People….?

(Zzzzz…zzzzz….zzzzz….tomorrow, Okay? … Sorry, … too much Oxycontin…!)

To be Continued….